Ill Humour
by Rads
Summary: Just some random Kurt madness thats meant to be funny.. i stress the word 'meant'. chap 1 .... Kurt+cold medicine+fast metabolism = ??? And in chap 2 ( if it can really be called that) ... just a few bits of warped humour
1. Ill Humour

Disclaimer: I do **not** own X-men Evolution  
  
Author Notes: Just some scraps from my week of illness.  
  
  
**Part 1: Want a cookie?**  
  
The first time Kurt was on Cold-meds:  
  
  
  
"Whoa!", Kurt swayed with a box of tissues in his hands, "he's really tall!" he poked Wolverines arm and declared, "Anybody taller than him has to be God-nobody could be taller than Wolf-Err-Ran"  
  
"Err, is Kurt all right?" Logan asked the other people in the room.  
  
"He's got the cold" Jean informed him, "Hank gave him some meds but you know Kurt's metabolism"  
  
"Hits him hard and fast" Evan supplied.  
  
Wolverine left the room.  
  
"Any one for strip poker?" Kurt bounced up and down like a bunny-babbit.  
  
He got no response and got bored-really fast.  
  
"I'm hungry-can i chew your arm?" he asked Kitty.  
  
"No!" she shrieked.  
  
"No?" Kurt seemed genuinely confused.  
  
Evan fished around in his pocket, "Kurt want a cookie?" he waved the food in question.  
  
"Yeah yeah yeah!" Kurt was drawn to the cookie like a moth to the flame.  
  
"Then you have to behave" Evan informed him.  
  
"Nope" Kurt snatched the cookie and scoffed it.  
  
"Hey!" Evan protested, "No fair"  
  
The fuzzy elf teleported out of the room but came running back in, tripping over Scott at the door-"Whoa you're pretty tall, God"   
  
He staggered over to the couch and collapsed conveniently into Kitty's lap with a bad accented cowboy, "Howdy!"  
  
"Get off!" she shoved him to the floor.  
  
"You're very mean" Kurt informed her.  
  
He started skipping on the table using his tail, "Twelve little Kurt's skipping in a row, Twelve little Kurt's skipping in a row and if one little Kurt was too accidentally bamf there'd be eleven little Kurt's skipping in a row" and it continue right down to zero Kurts-reguardless of the books thrown at him.  
  
  
"I'm feeling rather rejected" he pouted.  
  
"Go to your bed Kurt, you'll feel better in the morning" Kitty gritted her teeth.  
  
"I'm not tired, i'm awake and i want to play hopscotch" Kurt swayed some more, took a tissue out and blew his nose.  
  
"Ewww!" Kitty screamed as Kurt waved the tissue in her face and chased her around the room.  
  
"Knock it off Kurt" Scott warned.  
  
"Ummmm" Kurt pondered, "No" and he resumed the chase.  
  
"So much for being God" Jean muttered in Scott's ear. He just shrugged and tried in vain to concentrate on the film that they were meant to be watching.  
  
Kurt had somehow got distracted by his tail and was wondering why he couldn't plait the three he was seeing. It was awfully confusing.  
**  
**  
He burped and fell asleep simultaneously-it was funny to watch.  
  
  
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**  
Part two: Digging**  
  
The second time Kurt got the cold (Hank was sure that he'd got the meds dosage correct- he was wrong)-  
  
  
Pupils dilating and with targets thin on the ground, Logan was the unfortunate one to be in the kitchen.  
  
BAMF  
  
A flying squirrel landed on his shoulders.  
  
"Ack!!" Logan stood up with a jump, "Elf!!!"  
  
Kurt bounced all around him, "You can't catch me - i'm the ginger bread man!" he sniffed.  
  
  
"We'll see!" Logan lunged for the blue blur.  
  
And landed on his face, the smell of brimstone evident.  
  
Kurt 'ported into Ororos 'secret' garden, it was on top floor of the Mansion with a glass roof.   
  
  
Kurt decided to dig trenches.  
  
  
The brown elf emerged many hours later and fell asleep after burrowing a small Kurt-sided hole.   
  
Ororo returned to her garden and found him still asleep- the next morning.  
  
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**  
Part three: I've got a snake!  
**  
  
The third time Kurt got the cold (it was caused by a minor tiff with Iceman)-  
  
He was down in the dumps, nobody wanted to be around him.   
  
Hank gave him some meds, although not a lot- it was enough.  
  
"Professor!!" Kurt ran into the study, slamming the door behind him, "There's a snake chasing me!!!" he panicked, "its long and blue!!"  
  
  
"That's your tail Kurt" the Professor sighed.  
  
Kurt turned around and jumped as he saw the offending tail/snake, he ran round in circles trying to catch it by surprise.  
  
The Professor looked bewildered at the sight.  
  
  
"Caught ya!" Kurt grabbed his tail and sunk his fangs into the spaded part with a muffled, "Die!"  
  
An "Owwwww!!!" instantly followed.  
  
"Hey you were right!" Kurt beamed and patted his tail, "It is a tale! I'm going to show everyone!"  
  
He Bamfed straight into Kitty's room- "Want to see my snake?" he innocently asked her.  
  
  
The Professor was given an instant headache by a hysterical scream of, "Professor!!!" projected from the terrified mind of Kitty Pryde.  
  
  
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**  
Part 4 : Short  
**  
The fourth time Kurt got the cold (a snow fight caused it) - Hank didn't give him any meds and Kurt developed a fever:  
  
Wearing his ugly Hawaiian t-shirt, a pair of Scott's shades and one of Kitty's skirts-Kurt teleported onto the dinning room table on Evan's skateboard, flying straight off the table he banged into the wall and was knocked into oblivion.  
  
One of the shortest 'Kurt moments' ever.  
  
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**Rads**: plz review....... flame, whatever you wish  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Ill humour 2

Disclaimer: I do **not** own X-men Evolution  
  
ill humour  
  
**Chapter 2: Humour Bits**  
  
  
**A few things you'll never see in X-men Evolution-**  
  
  
Kitty BAMFS/ teleports in, "crap- i've been spending way too much time with Kurt"  
-------------------------  
Proffessor Xavier singing in his study, "I'm too sexy for my hair, too sexy for my hair"  
Logan talking to Kurt, "He doesn't have any hair"  
"I think he's going through a mid-life crisis" Kurt shrugs.  
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Evan skateboards over Hanks foot, "Why you little ****" Beast grabs Evan.  
Ororo walks in with a raised eye-brow, Beast puts Evan down, "We were just talking, honest".  
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Wolverines bouncing around in his new yellow and black spandex costume, "I'm a busy busy bumble bee- see me fly!"  
Wolverine jumps off the mansion roof.  
Kurt comments, "Glad he has that healing factor".  
  
--------------------------  
  
  
**The second Movement**  
  
  
Climbing  
  
  
"Darn it" he was swinging and wriggling in the wind, entirely uncomfortable and hoping to God that the girl he had a crush on wouldn't by chance happen upon his situat.....  
  
"Kurt? That you?" Kitty peered up at him, "What are you doing in that tree?"  
  
He blushed, turning a darker shade of blue, "Oh i'm just trying to...gain a different perception of the world?"  
  
"Oh" she bit her lip, "I guess that makes sense..... so you don't need any help then?"  
  
"No" he nearly squeaked as he could feel his hypersensitive tail tied unhappily in a knot, "I'm fine- i'm just waiting for a revelation".  
  
She smiled at him, "Ok then- i'll seeya at dinner"  
  
She walked away.  
  
"Dinner??"   
  
Kurt remained suspended from the tree.  
  
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Running  
  
  
  
  
Gambit+ trenchcoat  
  
Grace?- he prided himself on it (acting like a paraniod elf - almost)  
Looks?- he was hot ( after he shaved off the goatee and ditched the contact lenses)  
Style?- he was Cajun (enough said)  
Fashion?- class ,mon ami, class  
  
  
Current situation?- face down in a puddle of mud.  
  
Reason?- He'd been running (grace), caught sight of himself in a mirror (looks) tried to add a swagger to his run (Style) and then he'd got tangled in his trench coat (fashion) and for better words splatted into a puddle (current situation).  
  
  
  
  



End file.
